...

Actually I don't really know what I want to write to you.

But there's something distracting me and it's been hanging in my mind since last night. And last night wasn't the night I choose to love. Not even like. Not at all.

It was a big success that night for people to indirectly humiliate me. Though they might not agree with me because there's this other people being laughed at because he was caught in the act!

People do not know how we feel, do they? They were thinking to have fun. Though I was smiling (like an idiot) I was hurt inside. I was trying so hard for not crying in front of them. I was shaking. I was smiling while my heart is slowly crackin'.

So here's the story, I agree on meeting this guy who said he wants to know about the products in Manulife. He wanted to meet but in the other hand also wanted to make jokes about this other guy who unfortunately happens to be my bf. So I said okay. So we had an appointment on Friday night. Right!

Here's come the Friday. And to cut it short, at 10 pm I got a call from my friend to meet her at a mall. She's a good friend of mine and also happens to be this guy's cousin. They all work together in the same company; my bf, this guy and my friend. When we met, he said "Okay, this is only for a joke. You shouldn't be angry." I nodded. But when I walked to the table, there's this woman I never really like sitting beside my bf. Wait! This is not the problem. This is only the start.

That afternoon, I was asking my bf what is he going to do. And he said, he's going to hang around with his friends and ADDED the woman I don't like is not coming. I won't have to be worry. So, okay.

It's not the lies that hurts me. But it seems that they all know how my feelings to that woman. They make fun of him. But I don't know how, I was hurt. They made fun of me. And I hate to hear her laughing satisfied. I feel like she's laughing at me. I tried to smile, but I really couldn't. And the fact that they all know about me not liking that woman is just super! I can't trust him anymore. And I don't know how many more lies or how many times he has been lying.

He said he did it to respect me. To protect me from being angry. It's just bullshit and you know it!

I just can't describe how I feel last night. How I wish I was not there. I wish I was asleep, knowing he's hanging out with his friends only. I know you have nothing to do with that woman. But still, I don't need a white lie or what so ever. I need you to respect my feelings.

They don't know how it feels to be broken.

smiling in vain,

coffee.stains